Welcome to the Jungle, aka Girl World
Okay that title reminded me immediately of the scene in Mean Girls at the end after Regina provoked utter chaos... "The girls have gone wild!!" While this serves true that girl world can be stressful, it can also be incredibly powerful & supportive (when navigated correctly, to the best of our ability).
More Sex & The City, less Mean Girls, okay?
Like you, I have had my fair share of girl drama, heartbreaking friendships that abruptly came to an end, and too, have been hurt. But I've also experienced the most incredible support, the real ones & the women who have quite literally jumped on a plane for me when I needed them most.
Lucky for you all, I have officially reached the I-no-longer-give-a-fuck chapter in my life, so I can share with you what I have learned to be valuable when creating the dopest of dope girl gang in your corner.
1. start with your energy
Like attracts like. Show up authentically and with good vibes. Be the kind of woman who celebrates other women’s wins, no matter how big or small. Positivity is magnetic.
This applies not only to your girl gang community, but ALL relationships. Like I always say...
"You have to be happy with me, before you can have a we."
Everything starts from within. Are you happy? Genuinely, I mean it. Are you? Could you be happier? Do you long for more love? More success? More affection? More community? Whatever it is that you are thinking of right now as you read this.. go for it. Work on yourself for yourself. How you feel about yourself is how others will treat you. For better or for worse you are a mirror. You want others to treat you with love and respect? Make sure you treat YOURSELF with love and respect. It all starts within YOU. Make sure you love her.
2. Look beyond the surface & be vulnerable
Friendships aren’t about aesthetics, status, or convenience. They’re about connection, shared values, and mutual respect. Seek depth in your relationships and stay open to people who might not “fit” your usual mold.
Ask the deep questions, the ones that force you to think and share a vulnerable piece, both on your end & who you are trying to connect with.
The other night we went to dinner with a couple & she mentioned to us that she doesn't drink. I first complimented her, because so often we forget how cool it is to go against the grain & how difficult it must be at times. Then I asked her with a kind heart, "Do you mind if I ask what made you make that decision to stop drinking?" She was caught off guard but in a good way. She shared her heart and told us about her upbringing & the abuse that she experienced & witnessed. It allowed me to open up & share my own experiences. She went there. WE went there together. We went beyond the surface. We connected & bonded beyond the surface. It allowed us to understand each other on a human level.
Connection thrives when we allow ourselves to be seen. Share your wins, but also your struggles. You’d be surprised how quickly walls come down when someone feels like they’re not alone. So long as you lead with love & a kind heart, the deep, tougher questions really allow you to connect on a much deeper level & set up your friendship up for success.
3. Set boundaries
I think we all know how I feel about boundaries. It is both my blessing & my curse & arguably true that is my own personal trauma response, however I feel strongly that boundaries can be your best friend. Again, as long they are led with love & protection, not revenge or bitterness.
Unfortunately, not everyone will have your back, and that’s okay. Protect your peace by identifying the energy-drainers and gracefully stepping back. I'm not saying everyone around you needs to be an enabler by any means- but we certainly don't need ugly competition or haters. The haters who keep you around & smile to your face ESPECIALLY need to go. Protect yourself & watch what you say & do around those people, too. They are WAITING for you to fail. Don't give them any ammo, sister. Distance is key. We pray for them.
Your community doesn’t have to be large—just real. Like I always say..
"I'd rather have 4 quarters over 100 pennies."
You can read more about energy vampires on my newsletter Energy Vampires & Battery Chargers.
4. Celebrate, Don't Compete
I will shout this from the rooftops.. THERE IS ALL ROOM FOR US TO WIN!!!!!!
We all shine brighter when we lift each other up. Whether it’s hyping up a friend’s promotion, liking her new venture on Instagram, or just sending a “you’re killing it” text, little acts of support go a long way. And most of the time, with the right ones, it does not go unnoticed. Every phone call, every social share, every sort of support whether it be in family, life or business, it is appreciated more than you know. And it might take you all of 2 minutes.
Don't forget to show up for those who show up for you. And always lead by example. Be a leader & show what it means to be supportive. That's COOL!
Your challenge this week:
Reach out to a woman in your life who inspires you. Send her a genuine compliment or word of encouragement. Let’s normalize women cheering for other women.
